White coat. Heels.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
