FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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