Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
bring money and cleavage
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
