Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
