Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
