He passed out mid-signature
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
