I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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