when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
