You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this will be a night to untag.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
