I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
