Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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