pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
