And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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