why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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