I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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