I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
