i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Randomize
