He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
