Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
