there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
