we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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