Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
