my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are all done wearing pants today
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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