U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
