I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
