It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
