Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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