dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
