im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
