Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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