i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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