***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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