you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
