Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
