I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
