??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
