I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
