i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
