tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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