im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
