my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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