This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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