I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This house was built for laser tag.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
