do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
