We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
