so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
