and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize