well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
