I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
time to smoke my breakfast
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
