The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
