drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
