just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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