The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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