omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
