nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
