He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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