you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
