I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
