OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
