I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
