He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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