That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
