I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
