Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
