I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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