im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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