I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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