If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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