the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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