I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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