If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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