i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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