Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
