it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
