When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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