i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
