I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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