I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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