Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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