oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
