I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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