If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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