BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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