I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
