Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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