I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
