what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
