no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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