weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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