I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
