So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
