somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
