Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
