that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
