I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
