apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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