I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
