Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
