grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
