Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im holly from the hills drunk
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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