i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
