Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
