I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
