so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
