11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
