My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
