A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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