My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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