No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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