just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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